Glass Walls

That expression "You can't see the forest for the trees" comes to mind when I start to think about things before.  My life, and who I was before. "You can't see the forest for the trees". I'd like to say that's how it was. I'd like to say that I didn't see it happening, that I was unable to see the slow collapse of my own life, but I did. I did see it, I just didn't know how to stop it. The thing that had been my comfort, my escape, my protection from the real world had in one fell swoop thrown me off the edge with no safety net and it hurt like hell when I hit the bottom. I read somewhere that you don't appreciate what you have until its taken away. I, thankfully, didn't have everything taken away. I did however have it all slip far enough away that I almost couldn't reach it so I feel like I can say I understand that expression now and I wholeheartedly agree. To say that I was irresponsible would be an understatement. However, the real issue here is how ungrateful I was when I made the decision that brought me to the place that no one wants to go to, a place where I was grasping for everything that I loved and praying that I'd be able to hold on. It became very apparent that I needed to remove myself from what I had considered my comfort zone. Once outside of it though, I found myself feeling lost and a bit confused.  I didn't quite know where I belonged or who I was supposed to be. This, however was temporary and as it turns out the thing that gave me a sense of belonging, a sense of security, my identity, was in fact, the one thing that was threatening to take it all away. Once it was gone it took some time to fully see, but there I was. There I was, and when I looked around, there were the people that I cared about. Apparently they'd been there the whole time, telling me the harsh truths but I couldn't hear it, waiting for me to grab their hand but I couldn't reach it, and loving me unconditionally but I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel any of it until I stepped outside of the glass walls.